Junior High Christine

I am reliving my Junior High days through my oldest kid right now. He goes to school happy, then comes back all fucked up like he’s been to war. His friends are developing at a faster pace than he is and it’s exploding his mind. He could not be more relieved in Health class right now. They are learning about the body’s organs, instead of a girls menstrual cycle. He definitely failed that chapter last year…I think he spaced out on purpose to avoid that subject all together. Fuck, I’m still trying to figure it all out myself and I’m a woman. 

So, this inspired me to start typing again. I went into the basement and pulled out my box of old shit. There were my old diaries, passed notes, and pictures from when I was in Junior High. Remember passing notes? Do kids even do that anymore?

UGH…Junior High Christine is all over the fucking place. 

The notes are terrible to read. My friends and I ask the same questions…What are we going to do this weekend? Whose house are we going to spend the night at? Who are your true best friends? Who is your crush? Oh and we all get pisst and jealous, if friends in our own friend group hang out more with friends in the fucking friend group. Fuck Me. 

I read note after note and see a little fight stirring up. Oh shit, there’s a division in the friend group. It’s going down and I take the wrong side. Crap. Then I open up this one note and it reads. 

Dear Christine, (Dumbo Dick)

You’re the dumbest friend in the world, I hate you, go leave me alone and suck an egg. (Suck a big, red, fat dick instead!) I wish you would go, so you wouldn’t be my friend. And you aren’t popular!

Your X-Friend,

P.S. I’m sure your dick is big, red, and fat!

Wow…Either I really pisst this friend off or she is an asshole. I called Chris up at work and read the note to him out loud. We both started laughing and I couldn’t read the words, because I had tears in my eyes. This friend is saying, I have a Devil dick and I need to suck it. Chris is now calling me Dumbo Dick as a new nickname. Great. 

What gets me is that, this is 7th grade, 1995!! How did Junior High Christine get through the day after reading this shit!?

I put all the notes back in the box. I can’t get that hour back of my life after reading all these. I start thinking about this note and that moment in Junior High. I remember this friend saying, she wrote that note as a joke with a boy in class. Well that’s some fucking joke and I’m surprised I’m not more demented.  

Now, I pick up my diary and start reading. FUCK, THIS IS EVEN WORSE THAN THE NOTES! Every page I turned, I just shook my head and put my hand on my forehead. I wrote about vacations, summers, going out to dinner, hanging with friends, liking boys, and just making small talk with my own head. 

For one thing, Junior High Christine had it good. I’m literally saying, I’m bored, judging everything, and praising the weirdest fucking shit. This is the worst book I’ve ever read and have to put it down. Does anyone need a drink? Because Dumbo Dick is about to go make one. 

Next day, I stir up enough energy to pick my diary back up and continue reading it. 

UGH, this doesn’t get any better. I’m skimming the pages and read about a “rumble” at a friends house. That was our way of flirting with boys, but we were wrestling. What the fuck are we even doing? We all smelled like shit. Some boys didn’t even wear deodorant and girls had way too much CK perfume on. I hurry and turn the page. 

March 8th, 1995: “Today was such a tense day. Everybody told me that “Funny Boy” was going to ask me out. He asked me out before 9th period. And my other friend got asked out and sadly my buddy got dumped all in one day. It’s been pretty exciting.” 

My buddy got dumped?? That fucking sucks. Damn, must have been a full moon over the Junior High that day. Do all boys decide if they are going to ask a girl out and/or dump a girl on the same day? That way they are a “team” and support each other’s decisions? Kinda of fucking genius if that’s true. That way all the gossip is not fully on you. 

I dated “Funny Boy” for 24 days. I was so nervous. He kept telling people that he was going to kiss me. KISS?! I have never kissed or made it out with anyone. I started fucking freaking out. My stomach was in knots just thinking about this. On my birthday (April 1st, 1995), I called him up on the phone. 

Me: “Hey, “Funny Boy”, it’s Christine.” 

Funny Boy: “Hey, Happy Birthday!”

Me: “Uh thank you. Umm “Funny Boy” I can’t go out with you anymore.” 

Funny Boy: “What? Why?”

Me: “I don’t like you anymore.” 

Funny Boy: “Oh okay.” 

Me: “Bye.”

Funny Boy: “Bye”

A huge weight was lifted that day. Of course I still liked “Funny Boy”, but I was terrified of kissing. I could not handle that kind of pressure. What if I did it wrong? What a gift I gave myself. Phew. I can breath again.  

Fast froward to May…

May 24th, 1995: “We have 10 more days left of school. “Sweet Boy” is now my boyfriend and I’m so happy.” 

WHAT? I’m so fucking happy? Here I was relieved to not be with “Funny Boy”, because I was too nervous to kiss him and now, I have a new boyfriend? Oh and I completely spell his name wrong too.

I keep reading…“he is sweet funny, kind, honest + respectful, that’s what I love about him. He is like an Angel!” This is literally a direct quote from my diary. You have got to be kidding me, an ANGEL? Ugh, get it together girl.

I have to put this garbage book down again. I can’t handle this.  

As I was finishing my afternoon, I started flashing back to when “Sweet Boy” asked me out on a rollerblading date. I went and of course was nervous as shit. My heart pounded the whole time. I think he tried to grab my hand. I could barely talk. Why do I do this to myself? I’m clearly not ready for any relationship at this point in my life.

After a month of this shit, “Sweet Boy” broke up with me. I was a little embarrassed. Well, that’s fucking done. Phew. Another problem solved. 

Junior High Christine survived and will not bore you with the rest of her Junior High Days. I now feel really bad for my son. These years are tough. So much change mentally and physically. I’ll do my best to not embarrass him. Probably too late for that. 

Have a nice day.

Dumbo Dick kept her High School and College diaries too. I have some more horrible reads in my future. 

Fucking Cheers!